when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
