best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
