So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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