Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
