I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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