my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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