I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
