Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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