i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
