You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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