i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
