And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
