I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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