Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
