get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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