New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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