I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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