You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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