I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
