That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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