There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
