im drinking this country out of the recession.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
