smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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