so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize