Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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