I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize