I didn't shave. On purpose
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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