I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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