I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
