My room smells like vodka and shame
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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