Im at strip club and am horny
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
