Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
