he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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