I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
