I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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