Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
