I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
