My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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