ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
