brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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