Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
