were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
