so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
