So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
