but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
