If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
