seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
