He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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