just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize