were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
