I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
