I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
