Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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