I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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