you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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