I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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