the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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