i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
