She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
