Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
