Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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