For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
