the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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