You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize