dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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