i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
