Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
