Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
