if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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