Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
